Thoughts on my documentary film project...

So one of my major projects for the media and film criticism class I am taking is to edit and produce a short documentary film regarding a social "friction" - something that we feel is important to us and an issue that exists in our current society and generation.
I started out really overwhelmed by this assignment, though I was also quite excited, and my ideas for a topic have since then been really broad. Initially, I came up with a bunch of ideas about the health care systems in other countries beyond the United States because it is something unfamiliar to me but that I would like to gain an understanding in. While this would be a great idea to pursue during a study abroad experience, it is impractical for a project that I need to put together now for this class. Then I thought about looking at the health care system in Canada (as this is something I am very interested in...I'd like to get into medical school or graduate school there), however again, my ability to make direct contact with people who would be able tp provide me with insights is limited to non-existent. Ultimately, I would really like to make something I can be proud of and talk about my experiences of study in a medical school interview (that I will hopefully one day get). Keeping with the science-related themes, other ideas I have considered have been examining the media's representation of the medical field and health care systems in things like television programs and film as well as how this representation influences the public's knowledge perceptions of medicine/disease. I really like this idea but I feel I need some sort of direction - hopefully I'll be able to talk to Professor Baldwin about my ideas early next week. More to come.

WOAH

Fish With Transparent Head Filmed

Binary Relationships

Recently I've noticed the amount of decision making that we make on a daily basis, whether we realize it or not. When you boil the whole process down, it really comes down to a "yes" or "no" - Do I do this or not? From there, we narrow down our options to help us make an educated choice. Unfortunately this gets complicated. We as independent thinkers with unique personalities do not play simple good guy/bad guy roles in the lives we lead. We want the best of both worlds; we want it all. Of course what more would be left to capture our desire if we could really simple have it "all". That's beside the point.

I feel like this whole entry is going to be extremely vague because I'm kind of just sitting here ranting off thoughts that are in my brain floating around aimlessly without homes. We all have facades don't we? The role we play at our jobs, in classes, with our friends...hopefully most of those, or at least the latter, is real and genuine. Otherwise, what are you doing? I started off talking about decisions because we make the decisions about what faces we are going to put on for each of the roles we play. It's a mushy-smooshy thing though because what happens when things start to cross over? I don't think that it's always possible to pick one thing or the other, or that it's neccessary all the time. There are certainly thing that one should stick to, this should be obvious, but everyone feels the stress of the collision of one world with another.

This has been brought to my attention most in the past year and a half that I have been a Resident Assistant at my university. I am a leader, an authority figure, an advisor, an optimist, a role model. I am a student, overworked and sleep deprived, fueled by caffeine and in need of a little letting loose and relaxation just like everyone else. BALANCE. That's what everyone says right? It's entirely true, I agree, but no one ever says HOW. I love both realms of my life, the public and the private, and I have learned a lot about myself and how other people operate in the process. As I'm finishing up my last semester of my undergraduate college career, I am really making every attempt (or mostly) to enjoy the moments that remain with the people I care about around me here. With that being said, I have been reminded that I not only live the college student life, but I live the job position I hold as well. I guess the take home lesson for right now is that things will inevitably get complicated when worlds collide, but that doesn't mean you can't smooth out the wrinkles and enjoy the end result.

Ambystoma mexicanum

Fascinating isn't it?

This creature is known as the axolotl, originating from the lake underlying Mexico City. Larave of this species do not undergo metamorphosis - hence their freaky deaky appearance - and adults remain aquatic and gilled. He's not a red-head, those are actually external gills.

We as human beings tend to think of ourselves as special, unique organisms. This creature, of course very distantly related to Homo sapiens, is a wonderful example of the non-unique nature of our existence; such a human like face and smile.

As of 2008, these little cutie pies have been near extinction due to extensive urbanization of Mexico City and drainage of their native lake. Non-native fish have also been introduced to areas in which the axolotl is hanging out, consuming their spawn and depriving them of their usual sources of food.

Evolution is really quite amazing when you think about it. Hard to believe that the United States is so completely torn over the matter. Found this in a 2006 article:

I'm sure I'll have more to say about evolution later and I just got a little bit of inspiration from thinking about this to use this topic for my short documentary film for class...

Engagement

The first thing I found out yesterday was that my boyfriend's older brother is now engaged. I think this might be the first time in my life so far that I have been legitmately excited to hear news like this and that I am actually looking forward to a wedding. I'm not insensitive, but they all feel the same to me. I'm not one of those girls who has her dream wedding all planned out, and has since age five, but I am of course looking forward to my own ceremony someday; I just don't want it to be the same-old, same-old.

Peter and Sam's engagement is not a real shocker, though from what I've heard from Dan they did a good job keeping the secret. I can't wait to see them both and congratulate them personally. I've never really gotten close to any of my past boyfriend's siblings before and all of this really made me reflect on the time I have gotten to spend with Peter. I think that it is important to be liked by family of a significant other and I really couldn't feel more at home than I do now with Dan's family. His brother is always supporting my desire to move to Toronto and he'll make comments all the time about Dan moving with me. He took me out to dinner when I went to visit him in New Orleans last Spring due to Dan's ten hour flight delay in Chicago. It's just a tad bit scary to write this, but I really do hope that I will be a part of their close knit family someday. I don't plan ahead, but I do cross my fingers.

Brainstorming Part 2 (grants)

I have already posted once on the topic of my grant-writing assignment, but this is a post to simply bullet six separate ideas I have for subject matter for the grant searching process. Here we go!

- influence of media on medicine
- evolution of digital relationships
- health/biology and medicine's influence on film
- digital music/the future of the music industry
- genetic engineering
- ethics of helping professions

Next step: Locate 6 sources of grants for each on www.cos.com
More to come.

Complexities of the Simple

Simplified pencil-sharpener: Open window (A) and fly kite (B). String (C) lifts small door (D) allowing moths (E) to escape and eat red flannel shirt (F). As weight of shirt becomes less, shoe (G) steps on switch (H) which heats electric iron (I) and burns hole in pants (J). Smoke (K) enters hole in tree (L), smoking out opossum (M) which jumps into basket (N), pulling rope (O) and lifting cage (P), allowing woodpecker (Q) to chew wood from pencil (R), exposing lead. Emergency knife (S) is always handy in case opossum or the woodpecker gets sick and can't work.

By cartoonist Rube Goldberg.

I just discovered this artist while reading my Cell Biology textbook. Thought it was an amusing concept: Taking a simple task and making it dependent on many separate events and tasks. Thought it was a great way to talk about Biology and make someone who may not tend to be interested in such things, see the daunting process as an amazing feat. Something as simple as motion of a single celled organism is dependent on many different variables that when combined and occur successfully, produce the desired goal. Our bodies are amazing, amazing things and I wish more people took the time to allow themselves to be awed rather than abuse that which keeps them walking and talking every day.

Goldberg is well known for these "machines" and his influence can be seen in popular games such as Mousetrap. (I never knew!) Just wanted to share his work and throw out a name to google for those who may be interested. Pretty neat guy. Pretty funny work.

MASHUP

Digital "mashup" = a digital media file containing text, graphics, audio, visual, or animation which modifies existing works creating a derivative work. Digital text mashups, for example, appear every day as blogs and online forums copy and paste digital text in juxtaposition to comment on topics of interest. We also check out video and audio mashups regularly too (what's up Youtube) often juxtaposing commercially produced video clips with popular songs and vice versa. Digital mashups represent a new phase in the re-use of existing works.

Professor Baldwin threw the term "mashup" at us in class a few days ago and I thought I'd do a little web browsing to see what I could find on the topic. Apparently textile industries have been using metallic yarns for many years for decorative purposes, but now "wearable computers" are merging into everyday clothing. The first "conductive fabric" was silk organza, constructed by perpendicular weaving of two threads: one of plain silk, and the other is silk wrapped in thin copper foil. (See below)

Work is being done to integrate circuits, keyboards, and other electronic devices into fabrics. Clothing of the future!

I also read a couple articles that discussed ways that these "smart fabrics" can repel bacteria and monitor physiological signs. Check it.

http://http://www.earthsky.org/radioshows/51431/smart-fabrics-could-repel-bacteria-viruses

http://thefutureofthings.com/news/1017/smart-fabrics-monitor-physiological-signs.html

Cell Phone Leashes

Remember the time before everyone and their mother/sister/brother/grandma/newborn cousin had a cell phone? I don't.

There isn't 10 minutes that goes by without an annoying commerical on TV about a cell phone service provider telling me all the bars they can provide me with in all the different locations I will ever be in. Shove it. My parents actually have ditched the portable phone we used as our "house phone" for my entire life, to replace it with a small little flip phone. Every time it rings I can't get past the weirdness of using a cell phone as a home device. It was more cost efficient I guess.

They are our ball and chains, our leashes that keep us within everyone else's reach no matter where we may go - with the exception of out of the country...and even then, you just have to purchase a phone there. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but every time my phone rings I feel like I should answer it; like not answering it and awknowledging that someone is trying to contact me is rude. Is it? I feel like in reality, I don't have to do anything. I don't have to answer the phone if I don't feel like it. I have a right to retain SOME privacy in my life. Why should everyone be able to get ahold of me anytime they feel like it? There was a time when that wasn't possible. A time when answering machines sufficed if someone didn't pick up. Now I get a text message following the missed call...or an instant message...like I'm being hunted down. I've begun to ignore calls once in awhile. Why? Because I CAN. Boooyaaa!

Don't get me wrong - I am definitely glad to have a cell phone. I wouldn't be able to stay in touch with Dan as much, being so far away from him most of the time, and it makes me feel much safer when traveling or driving in case of emergencies. Cell phones are a great advancement, but where do we draw the line? I have seen commercials for "track phones" and phone-like devices for children to carry around that actually shows their physical location on a parental monitor. REALLY??? Yes. Unnecessary.

Can't wait to see what those techy nerds come up with next.

Best Years?

This is my first ever edited film project. I made this interview for the film and media criticism class I am currently enrolled in. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

Salvia divinorum

Salvia divinorum, also known as Diviner’s Sage, ska María Pastora, or simply by the genus name Salvia, is a psychoactive herb which can induce strong dissociative effects. It is a member of the sage genus and the Lamiaceae (mint) family. The Latin name Salvia divinorum literally translates to “sage of the seers”.

(excerpt from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvia_divinorum)

After being in college for five years, I thought I was fairly aware of the various kinds of recreational drugs that my peers in modern culture are dipping their feet into. So when I heard of Salvia, and it's LEGALITY, it caught me off guard. I starting asking my immediate friends about it; if they had heard of it at all or known people who have used. There were of course mixed responses but the majority of people I talked to knew perfectly well about its existence. Whatever your views on recreational drugs may be, I am writing this to spread knowledge, keeping my opinions aside to strictly educate. Keep this in mind as you read. All this information is being collected from sources beyond my own working brain and will be provided at the end of this blog.

While it holds a ceremonial and ritualistic value ("gift from the gods") from its historical and continued use among the indigenous Mazatec shamans who used the herb to facilitate visionary states of consciousness during spiritual healing sessions, the modern media has presented the plant as a threat to civilized society. Most often compared to marajuana, Salvia is usually smoked in some manner, but can also be plainly chewed. Unlike marajuana, Salvia has an active component called Salvinorin A, a psychoactive compound with hallucinagenic affects. When considered by mass alone, it is the most potent of its kind.

Let's talk chemistry. It's a trans-neoclerodane diterpenoid (chemical formula C23H28O8) and research has shown that it acts on the kappa-Opioid receptor. This is a unique characteristic as it has no action on a serotonin receptor that other "classic" hallucinagenic drugs act on, such as LCD. Studies also showed that its potency cannot be translated into toxicity; rodents have been tested with dosages greater than a human would be exposed to and surprisingly did not experience damage to organs. It's mental affects are daunting however (there are numerous videos on youtube of people sharing their experiences) and some have been specifically noted as the following:

increased insight

feelings of calmness

mind racing

floating feelings

unreal

improved mood

increased connection with the universe (WHAT?!)

With affects greatly similar to LCD, and a power that takes affect within 1-2 minutes, reaching its peak at about 5min, how is this stuff LEGAL?

I have heard lots of rumors lately that the Food and Drug Administration is looking into ways to make this substance illegal, but for in the United States, Salvia is not regulated under the Controlled Substances Act; some states, including Delaware, Louisiana, Missouri and others, have passed their own laws. It's just astonishing to me that something so powerful is on the market, and has been for so long, while even possessing pot is against the law and alcohol is A-okay. I'm not making any statement about the latter, merely comparing. Something to think about.

What the hell is a grant?

Honestly, this whole grant assignment is pretty overwhelming.
BUT - I'm extremely excited about the experience and the potential to run around the world and discover amazing things, mentally and physically, with money that someone else is slapping in my hand. I've never done anything like this before and I haven't even worked very hard through my college education to apply for scholarships. I think that part of it is my tendency to procrastinate with things that I don't see as an immediate necessity at a given time. This is why I am actually quite pleased with this assignment; it will FORCE me to step out of my comfort bubble and learn a valuable skill that I can use throughout my life.

I have already begun looking at www.cos.com for ideas to help my brain truck along. (See previous post for links) What I would really love to do is produce something that I can discuss and talk about on a resume/interview for medical school in my future. I'm looking at the influence of media on the public's concepts of medicine and how it works. That's all for now - more to come.

Brainstorming Part 1 (grants)

"Media and Health"
International Engagement Awards
Bicentennial Swedish American Legion Fund
Blair L. Sadler International Healing Arts Awards

"Media influence on medicine"
Film Schools Programs
Robert Wood Johnson Foundation Health Policy Fellows

"Medical Media"
AMRC Science Communication Award
Visual Arts and Media Arts Program

The price we pay for brains.

When you're in high school skimming through the countless websites of the overwhelming number of colleges and universities on this planet, no one ever tells you how many thousands of dollars you will be in debt if you choose to continue down that path towards EDUCATION. Whether you choose to see it or not, we are brainwashed by everything around us at a young age that we must get a bachelor's degree if we want to "get a good job someday" and be able to live "comfortably".

Funny thing is, I spend more of my time teaching myself than some of my professors spend teaching me in classes that I am paying for. Why is this? It's amazing to me that I am in classes with at least 200 people on average, and as high as 700 in some cases. I know this is the price you pay for attending a large school but I still feel like there must be ways around this issue. I know the value of small classes...or even smallER classes because I attended one year of college at another, much smaller, university. I believe that the actual material students are presented with as undergraduates is pretty much the same across the board, however the education one recieves is different due to the modes of teaching that vary from school to school. There was one professor I had last semester who opened up the first day of class saying, "What I'm doing up here on this stage is not teaching. It is lecturing. I believe that teaching is a give and take process with student and teacher interactions and there will not be any of that here with about 600 students in the class. " He basically told us we didn't even need to show up. We could gain all the knowledge he would be presenting to us from our textbooks. So I didn't go. I got an A- in the class.

I wrote him an email during the semester saying that I agree with his views on teaching and that I think it is unfortunate that it seems so many classes, especially science oriented (arguably the most difficult to self-teach), that are offered at this school operate by someone standing on a stage in an auditorium flipping through powerpoint slides. I appreciated his honesty.

As I will be graduating this May, I have spent a fair amount of time reflecting on the past 5 years (total) of my experiences in college, both socially and academically. I have thought on numerous occasions about whether or not I regret transferring universities after my Freshman year...there are certainly pros and cons. I guess the biggest thing now is what will be in my future.

Long Distance

I don't know what it is, but I just don't date people who are in close proximity to me.

I've been with my boyfriend Daniel for approximately two and a half years now and one day, I hope that he'll toss a shiny ring at me and we'll live in a hip, fun city with a dog or two. Right now, we're close to ten hours apart. The funny thing is, that sometimes I forget the hundreds of miles that separate us and I think about giving him a great big hug when I get back to my dorm room as I'm walking from class. Yeah, I'm in one of those impossible "long distance relationships" that everyone things are inevitable recipes for disaster and you know what? I am proving people wrong every single day that goes by. We attend universities that are separated by over 400 miles and see each other every few months during the college school year. When at home, we can't surprise each other with a stop at one's house because it's an hour and a half commute from door to door. To everyone who says "they don't work", that's a bold statement with no boldness behind it.

Rather than get all mushy-gushy about how much I am in love (which I am by the way), I'd rather talk about HOW it works and WHY it's possible. So stay with me non-believers. The first step and foundation for everything: You must believe that it can work.

It may look like I have some sick obsessive tendency when people walk in my room and I have photographs of my boyfriend on my wall next to my bed, on my desk, and other random locations scattered about my dorm. But in reality, it's my way to remind me of his many faces, many expressions. Glancing at a photo of the two of us, a still moment from one of the many adventures we have been on, keeps my head on straight in those times that I just want to throw in the towel and run away to never-never land. The best gift he has ever given me to this day has been a webcam (get your mind out of the gutter...though in reality, good call!). There are times that we will log onto Skype together and video chat, sans chat, just to be able to look at each other between homework problems or during the turn of a page. I've been told it's weird, but I think it's something valuable to be able to just enjoy the "presence" of him being there, even if it is through a computer screen. I think that the biggest part of learning to live with distance, is learning to make the best of every situation and realize that for now it's your only option; but better things are always to come.

I could go on and on for sure, but really it's not the point. The point is that you have to know yourself and your limits. You have to know that sometimes you have to let things go. That nothing in life is easy and the best things require a little bit of elbow grease to reach.
Everything is of course always people-dependent. We both are independent thinkers, set high goals for ourselves and keep ourselves busy with the lives we lead here and there. It's amazing how a simple phone call to talk about what to have for dinner or what a professor said in class today can make you feel like a part of someone's life. It's work though, don't let me deceive you.

Love love.
Be creative.
Go with the flow.



I love you Dan and I can't wait to see you next, whenever that will be.

Flight 3407

Back in peaceful Western New York...

It's the first commercial airplane crash since August of 2006.
I have never been frightened of flying on airplanes, and I wouldn't say that I am now, but doesn't it seem as though we have been seeing a lot more crashes lately? I mean while I was home for winter break from school, I remember spending half of a day sitting in an over-sized armchair watching the live news feed of the emergency "landing" into the Hudson River near Manhattan. WHAT?! It was actually quite an amazing rescue mission; you don't see 40+ people walking on a partially submerged plane wing everyday. Everyone I have talked to shrugs it off though. They say "Oh these things happen all the time, you just don't hear about them...". What makes these cases special then? Perhaps it was the flock of birds that were massacred in the engine causing it to stall. Terrible, terrible loss indeed.

Accidents happen all the time it's true. Whether it's birds in an engine or failed de-icying procedures or opening a door over a big toe and ripping the toenail off (yeah, ouch is most definitely right). Timidness will get you no where and fear is a waste of energy. If you spend your whole life being cautious you'll never experience the joy and pleasure of risk. Audaces fortuna iuvat, timidosque repellit. [Fortune favors the bold, but repels the timid.]

The follow up.

Just do it.

I spent about a week struggling with the idea of having to produce some short films for class. I felt like I had no original ideas, nothing interesting to talk about, and basically became a deer in the headlights; and not even in front of the camera, but behind it. I think Professor Baldwin was right - you really just have to start recording things. Just do it.

I've been carrying my digital camera around with me pretty much everywhere I go and I have noticed that I look at things differently. Everything becomes a nicely composed shot, or an interesting angle or action and I have begun to capture anything that catches my attention. This world we live in really is a beautiful place and people should start looking outside of the conventional box of beauty and get their hands a little dirty to see that the "ugly" can be "pretty" too. It's helped me immensely so far in just coming up with ideas for what I may want to use/do for my projects. One thing I still find a little daunting is the interview process. There are so many instances where I wish I could just magically set my camera up mid-conversation so that no one will notice, and catch the insightful topics and discussions that just naturally occur on a day-to-day basis. I think I may try to do this in the future and see what happens...but for now I have to start coming up with some good topics to talk to people about, including my parents which are 9.5 hours away. I'm still working on the technicalities of that one. Ha.

One of the biggest obstacles in all of this, is that I am a perfectionist. I don't want to fail and I don't want to make something boring. I am feeling much better about this class though and I don't want to make it seem like I am completely in over my head and unable to save myself from drowning because that's not at all the case. I've started to collect random video clips and shoot the ideas that I have even if I have no place for them in the puzzle yet. Hopefully when I can sit back and look at 20 things I shot, it will flick on the light bulb in my mind and I'll be able to compose something cool.
The hardest part of anything for me seems to be the START. But I've started. We'll have to wait and see where it's going.

Two Letters

I applied a couple years ago, sort of on a whim, knowing that the majority of my very close friends would be graduating at the end of my Junior year of college and that perhaps I needed a way to keep myself from being a negative Nancy about it. I had become good friends with the first one I had after transferring to Stony Brook, a roughly nine hour quest from the first university I attended which sat a mere five minute carride from my house. Growing up an only child, I wasn't sure what it would be like living around so many other people, and sharing a space the size of my bedroom which I will be forced to call "home". I have always been laid back and open minded though, and I still believe that I am one of the easiest people to live with. It was a smooth transition.
I don't really remember how Josephine and I became friends. I think that it probably had something to do with her in-your-face personality, but also the coincidence that her room mate was an upstater and transfer student just like me. This is how I met Colleen. She will be one of my bridesmaids one day.

Now I'm getting off track.

Josephine probably doesn't even realize how much of an inspiration she was to me. I don't think I realized it until recently. She showed me how to balance authority and leadership with being human. She showed me confidence and honesty in a place where I came knowing no one. It was the first time I saw how many doors being a Resident Assistant opened.
So I applied, I got my reccomendations, I was interviewed. I remember walking back to my dorm room after the 30 min questioning that Campus Residences called an interview; I knew that I would get a job. I think that I spent a good majority of the time laughing with the panel of 3 people at my table and simply being myself. No sugar coating. The RHD (Residence Hall Director) who was sitting directly across from me directing the questioning leaned back in his chair at one point, smiled, and said "You know, it's so nice to finally talk to someone who isn't afraid to be real." I said, "Why be anything else?"

I became a Resident Assistant the following year and it was one of the best decisions I've made in my college life thus far.

Face it.

Today in my film class, we discussed a term (which may ot may not be made up by my professor) called performativity. It was described to us as a way to describe the way one performs in the role(s) we choose to play. As an example, we don't have to look any farther than a college lecture hall full of somewhere from 200 to a disgusting 500 students. Sure, we are assumed to be diligently taking notes in our notebooks, or typing up important bulleted points on our laptops, but what are we all REALLY doing?

Writing a letter to our boyfriend...

Lurking that bitch we don't like on Facebook...

Watching the latest stand up comedy on Youtube...

I started thinking about the facades we live everyday; and for what? I think that at a certain point, we actually become impossible to trust by others around us because there is a constant assumption that we are putting on a face. I can just imagine professors scanning the lecture hall and seeing students with their laptops open in front of them, making assumptions that we are doing everything but typing the words coming out of their mouths. Have we become so cynical that we can't trust? I haven't.

I think I want to start writing letters to people I haven't really been keeping in touch with.
write (verb)
By writing, I mean the activity involving a pen and piece of paper. A lot of people I know have made this same statement before and it feels kind of meaningless because I never see anyone follow through. Even as I sit here and type this I am thinking of all the things that will steal my time away from doing so. It's like we are caught up in the desire to escape the cage of technology that maintains us day-to-day, but in the end we make no changes. I will continue to be signed on the AIM 24/7, send a text message to a staff member, and e-mail my parents from school. Maybe what we need to accept now is that these things are the meaningful modes of communication today. Will the paper and pen eventually cease to exist?