How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice.

My name is Mattina. If you think that's a weird name, it isn't even a name. It's a word. Italian for "morning". Buona mattina! I don't think that I always liked my name; thinking back on all the times it was slaughtered by my teachers in grade school, or occasions that I received mail addressed to Martha as if I miswrote my own name (Martha?!). I expected a really cool story as to why I was named Mattina, but when I asked my parents about the decision making process it was anticlimactic:

Mom: "I was working as a secretary when I was pregnant with you, heard the name, and fell in love with it."
Dad: "I wanted to name you Amanda."

I'm glad I became a Mattina.
I feel a little weird talking to a computer screen about who I am, so I guess I'll stick to the boring basics for now as I'm sure the inner workings of my brain and passions of my heart will make their way into this blog before long. I have been in college for 4.5 years now and am extremely excited to be getting the hell out of here this May. This is not because I dislike it here, or that I do not truly have a place in my heart for the amazing people I have gotten the opportunity to know and become close to, it's because I am ready for that "new chapter" that everyone's always blabbing about. I'm not ready to grow up, but I'm ready to move on. I have continually set extremely high goals for myself my entire life. I really don't remember a time when this wasn't the case. The glimmering prize that I see at the end of my obstacle course is medical school, but by no means was I the kind of person who dreamed of being a doctor since age four; there was a time when I planned on going to the olympics as a figure skater (stay tuned for much more on this subject). I have recently come to the realization that despite how old I feel like I'm getting sometimes, I'm really only about to be 23 and that's not old at all. I spent a high percentage of my time in the past year squishing my brain like a sponge in the hopes that I'd be able to collect the answers to my questions about my future. I didn't collect any answers about my future. I decided that there are none, because you CREATE them.
After alot of stress and mental breakdowns I have chosen to take a year off schooling after graduation this May. I have an intense desire to go back to school (whether this will be getting my master's degree as a first step, or applying directly to medical school) but I feel as though I need to get my feet on the ground in this world.

Attitude is everything.

After class I meandered my half-asleep body over to Roth food court for a sub. Turkey with provalone cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, olives, and mayo on whole wheat bread. I have a tendency to repeatedly order the same thing for a stretch of time until I become so sick of my own routine that I abandon it forever. Today is day three of this particular sandwich.

I started out eating alone.

I know a lot of people who find this frightening, or awkward, or that are just plain too insecure to do so and I don't understand why. Then again, I know people who go see movies in theaters alone and this is something that I would never think of doing. So what is it about these places that makes us feel like we need to have someone by our side? It's not as if being in a dark room surrounded by strangers, with all attention focused on the giant screen you payed ten dollars to come and look at is really the ideal time for conversation. Likewise, stuffing your face with food and diet pepsi in a college cafeteria isn't really an imtimate setting. I think it's a relfection of our own insecurities. What places make us feel comfortable and which do not.

More to come on this when I decide to post a general introduction of myself later today.

Back to the lunch table.
While I was sitting there alone eating my turkey sub and drinking my root beer , I saw a couple of my friends walk in my direction and call out a "what's up!". They, of course, came over to join me (probably feeling obligated at this point) and conversation began. They are people I see quite a bit of, so no small talk was really necessary which I liked, and I began to realize as I was sitting there that neither of these people really knew me well at all. Sure we've had plenty of interactions, partied, and lived on the same floor, but really they knew nothing about me personally. They began to ask me about my post-graduation plans (my least favorite thing to talk about at this moment in time) and I mentioned my plan to take a year off of schooling to live life and take neccessary steps to achieving my ultimate goals (again, more on this later). After I spilled my heart out and we shared some laughs, one of my friends leaned back in his chair, pointed his finger at me, and said "You know what? I think that no matter what you do in life, you'll make it fun".
I don't think he realized how wonderful it was to hear that.