Mom & Dad

I don't have the best relationship with my parents. Don't get me wrong - it's by no means a bad one, but it's something that needs improving. I went through those annoying teenage years where I couldn't stand them, where they asked me how school was and all I could muster up to tell them was "Fine". I grew up a little more through the years and I realized that my parents are actually the most important people in my life. They will always be there for me no matter what I get myself into and will always try to help me as much as they can to achieve the things that I want to. People told me, and tell every teenager, that one day I would grow to really become close to my mother and father and I would mature to appreciate all that they have allowed me to do and given me. And I have. But I'm independent...and more importantly stubborn.

As an only child I was smothered for a good portion of my childhood. It wasn't just about the curfews and strict rules about the places I could hang out and people I could see on my own time, it was rooted somewhere deeper. I found out a few years back that my mother was told she would be unable to have children after her and my dad had been trying for awhile.

Clearly, the doctors were wrong.

I think that when I was born, it was like a "miracle" to my parents because it wasn't supposed to happen. The odds were all against it. Yet there I was. Their baby girl. I remind myself of this a lot because I find myself forgetting how special I am to them and how important they are to me. I know it's a little late for a New Years resolution, but this one is something that will be an ongoing project. I love my parents and I want them to start to really feel it because since I've been away at school and I rarely see them, I have learned to miss them. If I had to give you an average number of times I call/talk to my parents while I'm away it would be something like once every 2 weeks. Crazy huh? Especially when I have friends who talk to their parents daily. I'm independent. I want it that way. I've always taken things on myself and tried to deal with my own issues without anyone's help; I like to test myself and prove to myself that I can do it. No, I don't get homesick being 9 hours away. I don't go running to my mommy or daddy with trivial daily dilemmas. I even prefer to be broke and unable to do things because I don't like asking them for money. But I do miss them every once in awhile. I am twenty three and I want to take steps to become closer to my mom and dad. They keep a lot of things locked up inside of them and I want to understand why they are the way they are just like they want to understand me. All they want is for me to succeed and do what I want for myself. It's an amazing thing to have two people unconditionally by your side.

Now I just have to learn to have patience with them.

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice.

My name is Mattina. If you think that's a weird name, it isn't even a name. It's a word. Italian for "morning". Buona mattina! I don't think that I always liked my name; thinking back on all the times it was slaughtered by my teachers in grade school, or occasions that I received mail addressed to Martha as if I miswrote my own name (Martha?!). I expected a really cool story as to why I was named Mattina, but when I asked my parents about the decision making process it was anticlimactic:

Mom: "I was working as a secretary when I was pregnant with you, heard the name, and fell in love with it."
Dad: "I wanted to name you Amanda."

I'm glad I became a Mattina.
I feel a little weird talking to a computer screen about who I am, so I guess I'll stick to the boring basics for now as I'm sure the inner workings of my brain and passions of my heart will make their way into this blog before long. I have been in college for 4.5 years now and am extremely excited to be getting the hell out of here this May. This is not because I dislike it here, or that I do not truly have a place in my heart for the amazing people I have gotten the opportunity to know and become close to, it's because I am ready for that "new chapter" that everyone's always blabbing about. I'm not ready to grow up, but I'm ready to move on. I have continually set extremely high goals for myself my entire life. I really don't remember a time when this wasn't the case. The glimmering prize that I see at the end of my obstacle course is medical school, but by no means was I the kind of person who dreamed of being a doctor since age four; there was a time when I planned on going to the olympics as a figure skater (stay tuned for much more on this subject). I have recently come to the realization that despite how old I feel like I'm getting sometimes, I'm really only about to be 23 and that's not old at all. I spent a high percentage of my time in the past year squishing my brain like a sponge in the hopes that I'd be able to collect the answers to my questions about my future. I didn't collect any answers about my future. I decided that there are none, because you CREATE them.
After alot of stress and mental breakdowns I have chosen to take a year off schooling after graduation this May. I have an intense desire to go back to school (whether this will be getting my master's degree as a first step, or applying directly to medical school) but I feel as though I need to get my feet on the ground in this world.